nykeyoung: The new Captain Marvel, formerly Ms. Marvel. (Default)
I'm through with online dating. The turing tests, the spam, the few women that respond trying to kill the conversation, and only one date from the mess (Darcy, for those playing the home game).

Now, I've tried to look for dates alone, & hated every minute of it. The music was too loud, I couldn't get an opening, etc. If this is going to work, I'll need help. I'll need a wingperson. I'll need introductions.

I don't know anyone in particular that could help me, but I'm part of quite a few groups and I've picked up some Facebook friends. I figure I can post for help.

Two people reply. Both suggest match.com.

I wanted someone helping me out, not charging admission to the turing test.

(BTW, I put together this post on Opera Mini. Thank you, mobile phones. Now I should not do that again.)
nykeyoung: The new Captain Marvel, formerly Ms. Marvel. (Default)
When I came back to Des Moines, I wanted to make friends.

Now, I wish that I was a little more specific. Sure, I know a lot more people than I do now, but a whole lot of the people I know from somewhere, I don't meet outside of said somewhere.

There's a lot of them that are cold for fair-weather friends. If I want a favor, if it's a mutually-beneficial favor, I'm fighting them every step of the way. If I'm not, I'm on my own.

I want to go out and meet women. I've tried going out before, and I have no idea what I'm doing wrong. I ask for someone to go with me, and can't find anyone to go with me. Not a one.

It'd be one thing if I didn't have the luck just at meeting women. I have no clue what I'm doing, and I can't find one person to give me a hand.

*I'm actually going back into therapy. I may back off depending on how financial aid is going to go, but I need to be back.
nykeyoung: You're just jealous because I have an invisible bicycle (invisible bicycle)
I'm going to dig into #5 on my list (check last entry), with the reasons that is going to be tough.

Simply put, every time I work on that, I don't end up more social. I end up more misanthropic.

Let's start with the easy ones. )
nykeyoung: The new Captain Marvel, formerly Ms. Marvel. (Default)
First, oh hai, new userpic.

Second, I'm actually making new years resolutions, thus breaking the one I've been keeping for 10+ years (not to make any more new years resolutions). It's more like I learned a whole lot of things pretty damn close to the end of the year, and I want to actually put down plans to fix some problems.

Yeah, it may take a few times to get things I need to learn through my head.

  1. I will get the fuck out of dating, period. I won't date anyone until August. I will still try to get out and meet people. I will go to singles events. I will only look for friends. If it comes to changing my reading habits and DVD watching patterns to stop reminding myself, I will. Also, I'm completely getting off online dating. No CL, no OKCupid, no PlentyOffish, no AdoptAGuy. I've turned off accounts, and deleted those I couldn't turn off. Why talk to people who won't give you the time of day? Or make worse conversation than ELIZA?

  2. I will finish Vampire/Amazon editing this year. I'm still looking for Beta readers. I will find them, even if I have to hunt them down with a shotgun and beanbag rounds. I think of just throwing the first chapter up here and seeing what comes up.

  3. I will get off of caffeine dependency. Caffeine is one of the things making me anxious. I use it to mark off "me" time, but I want to be in a little bit more control over "me" time right now.

  4. I will take the Mathematics Subject GRE. I have remembered shit. I will know shit. It will be good.

  5. I will finish up the application to Graduate School at Iowa State for Fall 2011. If I do not succeed, I will apply to other places for Spring 2012.

EDIT: It's not ELISA.
nykeyoung: The new Captain Marvel, formerly Ms. Marvel. (Default)
Okay, I panicked and ran away of the singles' event. Straight-on is not going to work.

Yeah, I go to IAF and D&D Encounters, but the first time I went to their events, I ended up in the right place. With the singles' group, I dealt with Legend's "I KNOW NUZZING" policy, and now it's setting my self-doubt into overdrive.

Sort of like the one time I went to Adventureland. They had "Required Group" signs up for some rides. From what I understood from the sign, if someone wanted to go in alone, they would pair them up with someone. I would've shrugged if I was just odd man out.

Then there was the second ride. They didn't even try to pair me up. I couldn't get myself to ride any other rides, because that jackass move was in the back of my mind.

I did write them a nasty letter. I haven't gotten a reply, so I refuse to pay to go there to this day.

Back to the singles' group, I do have the organizing group's* number. Next time I'm going to call first, and ask for assistance.

(* Did you know how hard it was to not put down "Organizing Organization" here?)
nykeyoung: Iowa (iowa)
I turn 26 today (Well, technically yesterday, but it took me a while to write this). Really, I thought I'd be further along by now. On the other hand, I'm making progress. I've had a few setbacks, but I shouldn't let them kill my spirit. I've been trying to fill the social gap in my life, and it's been trudging along. I've been part of IAF and gone to D&D Encounters. I tried going to bars, but I've realized I'm not going to be comfortable in those loud places.

After being unemployed for three years, going to Grand View and working at Math Lab helped my self-esteem a bit. It's nice getting back into advanced mathematics, and it also reminds me that the depressive haze I went through at Buena Vista wasn't as thick as I thought.

I've reapplied to Graduate School at Iowa State. This is the only one I'll apply to for Fall. If I don't make it, I'll apply for spring to several places. I'm also maxing out at half-time at Grandview. At DMACC, I kept to full time and didn't get any relaxing in.

I've got Vampire/Amazon's rough draft completed. I'm still working through editing. I'm having problems with the bigger chunks I'm editing. I think I'm going to just open a new document in Word and write.

I've got one section I'm editing that way (Prove Ashton isn't a psychopath). The first time, I had his mask strip away easily. Alexis and Colin could easily get him to show that he cared about his sister. It occurred to me that no one would believe it for a second, so I had his mask on thick this time around. Colin will have to throw him on edge to knock off his mask.

I also have a project that I'm not sure I want to go on, because the nature of race in the "Other World". I know I have privilege, and I'm trying not to screw it up.

Parallel Earth (I know magic exists in the parallel earth, but I'm not sure on the level of technology. Either medieval or off-present or off-past). Has three nations: Eon, a country ruled by an evil tyrant known as the "Dark Queen" that overthrew the last evil tyrant. The tyrants have subtly influenced the nation using magic. Eon controls most of the planet, except for the African Tropics (Anteon), Japan, and the Pacific Island Nations (Exion). Why? I know some history people are going to argue, but I just want to declare fiat right there.

Eon's conquest has pretty much eradicated all the other ethnic groups, leaving those four as the dominant ethnic groups. There's a possibility some of the other ethnic groups surviving the Eon invasions as Refugees in Anteon or Exion, but if their existence came to light, it would be front-page news.

The subtle influence of magic pushes Eonites to racism because the tyrant controlling the people of Eon is at war.

The only one that had magic in Eon was the "Dark King". Exion and Anteon put their heads together, and tried to generate mental exercises to try and develop magic. Exion won. Anteon kept their mental exercises, but stopped trying to develop magic, leaving most of the nation with a higher mental aptitude that's not occupied with magic.

I'm still trying to get up my social contacts. I'll be going to another single's event tomorrow. Yeah, I may end up dating, but if I don't, that's okay, too. I just need to meet people. Even if everyone's as closed off as I am, just being there eases both our tensions.

And it's another location entirely. I hope it's better than Legends' "I don't know what the fuck's going on" policy.
nykeyoung: The new Captain Marvel, formerly Ms. Marvel. (Default)
I came in the restaurant. I got a little nervous, so I told the hostess the name of the group. I had to say it again.

She said there was a group, but she didn't know if it was the one. You'd think they'd actually write something down, but you'd be wrong.

She directed me to the group. I stood for part of a minute, trying to find someone to talk to to see if this was the event. After a while, I got too nervous and left.

I would have fought my nervousness and stayed if I had any sign that I was in the right place. The fact that none of them could is a bad mark on both the organizers and the restaurant.

So, I'm going to write some nasty-but-not-too-nasty letters to people. My faith in humanity took another shot.
nykeyoung: The new Captain Marvel, formerly Ms. Marvel. (Default)
Okay, online dating. I see a woman I like. I message her, choosing a few topics to talk about. I end with a get-to-know-you question to encourage back-and-forth.

She replies. She answers the question. Full stop. That's it.

I've had this happen before. Nothing good has come out of replying to a "just an answer" reply.

Should I even reply, or do you agree that her reply has a huge "not interested" vibe?

And heads or tails, I'm still going to that singles thing tomorrow.
nykeyoung: The new Captain Marvel, formerly Ms. Marvel. (Default)
Hey, something I can actually physically go to, because online dating is taking something out of me.
nykeyoung: The new Captain Marvel, formerly Ms. Marvel. (Default)
"Plenty of Fish?" Looks more like "Plenty Offish" to me.
nykeyoung: The new Captain Marvel, formerly Ms. Marvel. (Default)
1) Wednesday is D&D Encounters. I'm probably going to play Finnan, the Halfling Knight (Fuck yeah, CON bonus). I got moved to new table. Eh. I get to meet new people.

2) Saturday is Gamma World Game day. Post-Apocalypse Fuck Yeah! Fuck no. Only two people showed up to play.

3) The Thursday after next is Rifftrax Live: House on Haunted Hill. Yeah, theater across town. I usually go early, so I can walk around a mall that isn't half-deserted (it's just the one that half-deserted the rest of them).

4) Saturday after next is the Stewart/Colbert Rallies. I'm going to the (satellite? splinter? Beluga?) Rally in Des Moines, which means going downtown. I'm going to go early, and go to Java Joe's before the rally.

5) The Saturday after that is the Dresden Files RPG. My accident-prone omnidisciplinarian researcher gets out again.

6) I'm part of a meetup group for singles to eat together. I'm trying to find the events that aren't across town if I'm not already across town. There isn't a whole lot for me to go to.
nykeyoung: (bleach)
I don't know why I keep on trying it. If I wanted to try and initiate conversation with that many people who won't give me the time of day, I'd survey a Evangelical church's congregation wearing a Slayer T-shirt, a thong, and not much else.
nykeyoung: The new Captain Marvel, formerly Ms. Marvel. (Default)
Dating, for me, is like sitting at a game of Mao, when the first player draws a machete and drives it through the face-up cards, the second pisses on the machete-card pile, the third takes my hand and replaces it with her driver's license, then runs off never to be seen again, and it comes to my turn and I'm trying to figure out what to play. What suit and rank is the machete? Is pee wild? I reach for the deck, and everyone left starts shaking their heads.

One of my major problems is the pretty archetype, the one most women aim to follow when they're looking for boyfriends, is one of my turn-offs. Not in that "she'll never be interested in me so I wont try" way. More of a "You need your tires rotated? I know a good place. I've even got a coupon." way. Probably because I take pride in being different and that's too much of the same.

It is done,

Dec. 1st, 2009 01:38 pm
nykeyoung: (juri)
Good news: I actually overheard an indirect way to get a message to her.

Bad news: With everything else I've overheard, I swear I'm doing this for the bravery brownie points than anything (like I heard from her that she's between boyfriends, and the next guy is ready to go). Message sent anyway.

Wanted to use the Kana usericon, but I guess Juri's better for now. It'll have to wait.
nykeyoung: (juri)
Got another CL reply. And a reply to my reply.

I'm now in the "Counting Chickens Before They Hatch" stage.

I'll get to the "Crying Into My Omelets" stage soon enough. One step at a time.

I'll actually enjoy being optimistic about relationships when I stop crashing-and-burning like most of the planes in those "can they fly" competitions.


Aug. 12th, 2009 09:08 pm
nykeyoung: The new Captain Marvel, formerly Ms. Marvel. (Default)
Calling her is a pain in the ass.

We had a long game of phone tag yesterday, in which I tried inviting her to bowling, dutch treat. I finally decided to invite her through e-mail.

She replied that it was out of her price range, but she's got a coupon book to things in Altoona.

I said the book sounded like an idea.

...and then not much else happened.

I'm still going to keep trying, but if I can't meet her within the next couple of weeks, I'm going back into the dating pool.
nykeyoung: The new Captain Marvel, formerly Ms. Marvel. (kana)
I replied.

She gave me her number.

She gave me her number.

I haven't gotten a number from a girl since I was 13.

I've got to calm down. I can handle this. I can think something other than debilitating pessimism. I'm certainly not convincing myself that, but it sounds good, even though I don't know what I'm doing.
nykeyoung: Electra Olivo from Cowboy Bebop: The Movie (alexis inspiration)
Got a reply from Ms. Questionaire.

I asked her to pick three questions from her last e-mail.

She told me to pick the three.

I'm sitting here, thinking, No, I asked you. You're the one asking questions. I'm already wishy-washy enough. I don't need another person who can't make up their mind.

Part of me thinks I'm being too unfair. Another part's saying this isn't going to work.

So, I ask you, random people from the internet, keep the threads going, or tell her I'm not interested?
nykeyoung: (juri)
On one hand, the new diet has nailed most of my anxiety.

On the other hand, it doesn't magically grant me the social skills necessary to go into the dating world.

I've checked for singles meetups around Des Moines, because this was the closest thing I could find to "going with friends." There were two in Des Moines, but one was dead. The other kept on having events on Saturday. There was one thing last Friday.

Emphasis on "was". It got cancelled. No one told me until I was already across town.

I got my Saturday nights back today. The 3.5 campaign ended, and I opted out of joining the new one.

The next event that I know I wouldn't completely and utterly hate before going in would be not until the 29th (Bureaucracy 22). I could manage the 22nd (Bureaucracy 15), but that'll be pushing it a bit. Two or three weeks before I can try anything.

I also had a reply from one of my internet ads. The girl asked too many damn questions. I replied answering them once. She came back with MORE QUESTIONS. I replied with these are too many questions. Silence. I thought this was either a) a scam artist trying to trick me into giving personal information, or b) a real girl that's bringing a openness issue from a past relationship, and I didn't want either.
nykeyoung: The new Captain Marvel, formerly Ms. Marvel. (Default)
So, I found a thingy that actually allows me to find quiet bars in the DM area.

Why I didn't look for this before, I dunno. Guess I shouldn't shift completely from "too patient" to "too impatient."


nykeyoung: The new Captain Marvel, formerly Ms. Marvel. (Default)

It's dangerous to go alone. Take this.

Vampire/Amazon I Editing (Pass 1/3)
1 / 35 chapters

Stand/Fall (V/A book 2)
1,918 / 80,000

Argue With Me
1,120 / 80,000

Humanity: A X-Day Crash Course
74 / 80,000

The World Doesn't Revolve Around You
0 / 80,000

Dios Vu
0 / 80,000

Betrayer/Destroyer (V/A book 3)
163 / 80,000

Reckless/Thoughtless (V/A book 4)
0 / 80,000

November 2012

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